It was a muggy Friday afternoon in the Foothills, a few hours before sundown. I walked down Foothill Boulevard with Miss Audrey Hepburn, our black Lab-chow rescue dog from the Pasadena Humane Society.
Still time to go to Trader Joe’s, I said to Miss Hepburn.
I agree, replied a familiar voice.
I was startled. Miss Hepburn, hitherto, had never spoken. But then, I saw a familiar face. It was the Anonymous Source, an attractive lady in her 40s, expert on local lore and the ethics of international journalism.
Rumor has it that years ago, the Anonymous Source inherited (or otherwise obtained) a secret stash of boxed news clippings, photos and incriminating evidence.
Hop on, she said.
Miss Hepburn and I jumped onto the back of a khaki-colored turret-armed Humvee.
Where do you get these vehicles? I asked
The Anonymous Source, perhaps familiar with the Fifth Amendment, did not respond.
She turned north, onto an unfamiliar lane. After a while, she pulled into an empty cul de sac. There were no houses, just empty lots, covered with buckwheat and wild sage.
We exited the vehicle.
Suddenly, a double sonic boom pierced the air.
Boom! Boom! Birds scattered, but we were calm. Obviously, the Space Shuttle Discovery was about to land at Edwards Air Force Base.
But then, Miss Hepburn began to growl. Before us stood a dirty-faced woman, dressed in a torn flack jacket, a filth-encrusted sweat shirt with the words Blue Valley High School Class of ’87, and a Stanley, Kansas baseball cap. A digital camera hung from her neck. She talked into a cellphone.
Not again! It was Julie the AP reporter.
Get outta here, said the Anonymous Source.
The reporter ignored us and kept yelling into the cellphone.
Hurry! she said. Shots have been fired in La Cañada Flintridge, in the aftermath of the worst fire since 1933. Shots have been fired. Notify CNN. Call the FBI. Notify law enforcement.
Wait, we yelled. Those weren’t shots. It was the space shuttle!
The reporter put her hand over the cellphone.
Shhh!, she said. We can interview the Coast Guard later. We’ll cover the investigation.
ANITA SUSAN BRENNER is a longtime La Cañada Flintridge resident and an attorney with Law Offices of Torres and Brenner in Pasadena. E-mail her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
La Canada Valley Sun, Thursday, September 17, 2009